awr March Madness Picks – Explained Mostly With .GIFs

Ok, I gotta make this quick. Mainly because the NCAA Tournament starts tomorrow afternoon and I have to be up for work in less than five hours. (Clearly I wrote this Wednesday night.) Ok, so like literally everyone else out that takes place in any March Madness Bracket Pools, I don’t have a direct science on how to pick these teams. Obviously. Because if I did, I’d be quite wealthy and I definitely wouldn’t be working 60 hour weeks while having second thoughts on that 7th Jack & Coke on Wednesday. For the record, I’d probably live in mansion in Miami and be Future’s European Tour Manager. I’ve gotten too far off track. Now, for my bracket.

I’m in a few pools this year so I don’t want to give too much info on where my picks came from this year, or really even what all of them are—I know there are some procrastinators among my competition this year—so I’ll just give a few highlights. Note: These are subject to change until about 12:14 on Thursday….so there’s that.

• Don’t Call It An Upset: (8) Pitt over (1) Gonzaga – Yea, I might be wylin. But have you seen Gonzaga lately? They’ve gotten Gonzaga-er) and Gonzaga-er as the year’s gone by. Did you see the Air Guitar earlier this year against Illinois?

What about the Gonzaga-ness displayed on Selection Sunday?
As Bill Hanstock on SBNation put it, “You want some Gonzaga with that Gonzaga, Gonzaga?” I got Pitt in a 5 – 7 point game.

• Marshall "Mathers" Henderson: (12) Ole Miss over (5) Wisconsin – This most definitely also constitutes as wylin. But hey, Ole Miss just beat Missouri and Florida en route taking the SEC Tournament crown. I know it was only one game that’s gotta mean something. Plus, he gave us arguably the greatest .GIF of the college basketball year.

But I'd also fail you if I didn't mention this...


• Sleeper Team: Illinios. I know, but the wylin just doesn’t stop. I know Illinois has basically no shot at winning this year...but then again, yeah they do. They started the season hot, they’ve beating Indiana, they’ve beaten Ohio State (they also lost to Indiana and Ohio State, but at least they know they can win.) But hey, that’s why they’re my sleeper.
Call it flukey, but the Illini pulled this one off.


• National Champion: I’m keeping this one to myself. All I’ll say is that we all could use a little Sonya Curry in our lives.

I'm just sayin.

March Madness is officially here, BROne Thugs 'N Harmony.

LSU vs. Bama 2012 - Part 2 [...Kind of]

I'm ready for this.

My parents are ready for this.

My Grandparents [really should get] ready for this.

The biggest game of the 2012 College Football season is about 30 hours away and I'm way too dialed in. My Tigers have the unique opportunity to get back in the National Championship hunt all while avenging last year's loss and inflicting pain on bitter rival Alabama. Whew. The last time I was this hype over a sporting event it was LSU vs. Bama 2012 Pt. 1. And unfortunately, we all know how that turned out.

Just in case any LSU fans [and you Alabama fans—I know you're out there] need an extra motivational boost, just check the video below. Man.

Tigers. Please don't kill my vibe.

S3 = Sampson Sports Struggle.

2012 has been a very trying year for literally every one of my sports teams. I really can't put into words. Trust me, I tried. Life as a Sampson shouldn't be so tough.

FINALLY. THE REMATCH IS HERE.

It’s here. It’s finally here.

Well first off, Happy New Year all. I've basically been on an extended blog break since the holidays but I'm finally making my triumphant return. And for very good reason. Tonight, January 9, 2012 at 8:00 pm EST, my LSU Tigers are up for their third National Championship since 2003 [and perfection] against the hated and bammish Alabama Crimson Tide. Less than a week after getting spurned by arguably the nation’s top safety prospect—and fellow Dutchtown High School alum—Landon Collins, we’re set to make history as the greatest football team in history. I’m aware that that’s a pretty bold statement, but I’ll stand by it. [Trust me, I’ll explain another day in another post.] Regardless, tonight’s the night. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be the shorter fellow sporting the purple and gold “BEAT BAMA AGAIN” t-shirt.

And I’ll be slightly drunk.
OK, I'll be really drunk.

Whether you're going for the Tigers or the Tide, this video should get you hype:


Oh, and about Landon Collins, the battle isn't over. Here are words from Randy Rosetta himself:
I'll take that.

And seriously, could you imagine the Coaches' Trophy in these hands?!




GEAUX TIGERS!

The Rematch Is Set. Let's Go.

Well, we are who we thought we were.

Now that we've successfully dismantled UGA in the SEC Championship, LSU had earned a chance to play for the national championship on January 9th. Although it's somewhat shitty that Bama gets to play in the ship, I'm looking forward to beating them again.

January 9th. New Orleans. I'm there.
Unh.

UConn's Women's Team Gives Stanford the Jealous

78 straight wins. A second consecutive National Championship. Seven under Coach Auriemma.

Wow. I don't care if it's women's or men's, tennis or soccer, basketball or lacrosse, that shit is impressive. What UConn's Women's basketball team has managed to do is insane, unheard of and incredible: two back-to-back undefeated championship seasons. It's still hard to believe. Geno Auriemma has to go down as one of the greatest coaches in modern sports history. For real. And shouts to Maya Moore, too. If you're reading this, you really do have the snooks. Congrats on your accomplishments, but not for too long. I know Geno won't allow it.



But for real, congrats.

Bama vs. Texas Prediction

Let's be honest, it's easy to hate dislike Nick Saban. Sure, he's arrogant, might seem rude and "fun isn't a part of his playbook," but there's one thing you can't take away from Nick Saban: He is a good coach. Point, blank, period. As an LSU fan I'd have to be in denial not to admit that our last two National Championships [03 & 07] weren't the result of great coaching and recruiting done by Saban. That's why coaching is the main advantage that I'm giving Bama over Texas. That and Mark Ingram. The single advantage that I'll give Texas is that they have Colt McCoy and a more experienced team. But we also remember what happened when Florida had Tim Tebow...and a more experienced team. The point of this blog is to be right, not to hope that one of my team's arch rivals is defeated. Plus, I gotta go with the SEC school at the end of the day. Bama beats Texas.


[Note: I'm thinking the score's gonna be around 31-21 Bama.]

[Note #2: I HAD to post this picture just to mess with my boy @martEMCfly]

Couldn't let good ol Nick slide with this one...

UNC Won. Big Surprise.

Michigan State failed to shock the world last night and got mildly embarrassed by a much better North Carolina team 89-72. [It wasn't as close as the score makes it seem.] This really shouldn't have come as a surprise to anyone...except all of the Michigan State fans that appeared overnight. Again, I'll admit that their run was impressive, but there's not way that they really thought they were going to win last night. It seemed like they were out of the game right after the opening tip. Hansbrough = Yaye. Lawson = Beastly. Ellington = MAN. All three of them had big nights for the Heels, combining for 58 of the Tar Heels' points. Ty Lawson also set a Final Four record with 8 steals on the night. It was never really a game after went up 20 in the first half. Just peep the game flow chart:
The Tar Heels even set an NCAA Tournament record by scoring 55 points in the FIRST HALF, which game them another tournament record by having a 21-point lead at halftime. This marks yet ANOTHER example of a Big Ten team being dominated in a Championship game hahaha. You lose.
And yo, why was Magic Johnson at the game looking healthy as hell?? What AIDS??? Man, Family Guy was right, that nigga is down to one AID.

And for the record, I am neither a UNC fan nor hater. I was mad neutral with this game, but I think it's time to stop hating on Tyler Hansbrough. So he works his ass off, performs at a high level and he gets results. Four-time, First Team All-American, ACC/National Player of the Year, ACC All-Time Career Leading Scorer, and a 'ship. Why the hate?? You can hate the commentators for loving his dirty drawls, and his game might not transfer to the NBA. But that's not his fault.

I guess.

We Are The Champions [Rocafella Edition. Ow.]


[Note: As it turns out, my roommate's math was wrong and I didn't win my bracket after all. But the person who ended up winning didn't pay their money so I get my money back anyway. Haha Owwwwwwww.]

National Championship. Oh Yeah.

So the last game of the college basketball season is less than an hour away and I'm not even that excited. Despite having a slightly T'd bracket, I was still able to win it with only one Final Four team. Ow. Since Michigan State fucking killed my joint, I haven't even been paying much attention to the tournament other than catching the highlights. I'm still shocked that the Spartans were able to beat Louisville and UConn in games where they were sever underdogs but that's all gonna end tonight. UNC is just gonna be too much for them tonight. Pause. Hasborough is gonna go in, and so is Ellington. Not to mention Ty Lawson, who's been insane lately. So, as hard as it is for me to say, in about 3 hours we should be seeing the Tar Heels cutting down the nets as National Champions. Oh well.

We Are The Champions

Oklahoma, You Lose

Tim Tebow, I mean Florida, beats Oklahoma for their second National Championship in the last three years. Saw this one coming. I mean, come on.



Oklahoma, you lose. O-U maaaaad!!

Finally...The National Championship

It really didn't take me too long to make my pick for the game. I'm going with Florida for a number of reasons:

• First off, Tim Tebow.

Love him, hate him, but you have to respect him. I was one of the people clowning him for that rant after the Ole Miss loss but he delivered on his vow to be the hardest working player on the hardest working team in the country.

• The addition of Percy Harvin and the loss of DeMarco Murry

Percy Harvin is possibly the most dangerous offensive threat in college football and even though Florida was able to beat Florida without him, it can't hurt to have him. Now that he's 95% healthy, I'm sure that an overrated Oklahoma defense will have trouble keeping tabs on him. As far as Murry, Oklahoma has a stable of quality running backs that they could plug in his place. It's going to be on kickoff returns, where he is averaging 28 yards per return, where the Sooners will suffer.

• SEC Loyalty

I'm a huge LSU fan so even rooting for Florida feels pretty weird, but it's the right thing to do. Outside of just being loyal to the conference, having a rough and challenging schedule really prepares you for games like the National Championship. Not saying the Big 12 is weak (it's not the Big 10!) but top to bottom, the SEC does well in games of this magnitude. An SEC team has won four of the last ten BCS National Championships and this game will be the fifth.

• And finally, this Guy

I didn't want to say his name, but Oklahoma defensive back Dominique Franks is dumb as shit. When reporters asked where Tebow would rank as a quarterback in the Big 12, he said fourth. Behind Bradford, Colt McCoy and Graham Harrell. He also said Tebow was ugly and he can't read good. Nah, he didn't but that was dumb as hell. Nobody even knows who the fuck Dominique Franks is! It's never a good idea to wake a sleeping giant. And like Skip said, I can't wait until Tebow hits the corner and Dominique Franks gets JACKED UP!! by Tebow. Oh boy.

[Note: For the record, I do not agree with mohawks. Except on this guy]

Sorry Oklahoma.
You lose.