The Next Person I See Planking....

...is getting one of these.

Stop it.

Seriously.

Eli Porter is Still the Best Mayne. He Deed It...Again.

Yes, Eli Porter is back. Not really but he kinda is. I thought I heard the last from Eli and the Icon Mic Sypher, until, LowEndMarauder posted his MySpace page earlier on Twitter. It almost lead to my untimely death. I got word that he might even be putting out a MIXTAPE. I figured it couldn't get any funnier. And then I came across this:
Eli Porter is still the best mayne. He doin it.

Aziz Ansari is a Hilarious Human Being

I was up on a random night a couple weeks ago at about 1 or 2 am so of course I was on Twitter [because what else would a normal person do at 2 am??] when I realized that me, @JinxTheJerk, @nikkib788, @TwoEZ and @Bouier were all watching the same thing. "Hey Samp, what were you guys watching??" Well, I'm glad you asked. We were all viewing history in the making as Comedy Central was airing the unedited Secret Stash edition of Aziz Ansari's stand-up Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening. Needless to say, it was funny as hell and deemed as an "instant classic." No, seriously. The audio version of the routine was release on January 19th and is definitely worth the listen. But just in case you don't believe me, below is his bit on Cold Stone Creamery [which we all know is crazy] and also parts of interviews from Letterman and Kimmel in which he discusses R.Kelly and Kanye West, respectively. Enjoy.

Aziz on Cold Stone Creamery // Intimate Moments...


Aziz on R.Kelly // Jimmy Kimmel


Aziz on Kanye West and Jay-Z // David Letterman


Yea, try not to laugh.

Options [Directed by Ryan Ras Schenck]

New video directed by @RASTruly from Blomedy.com starring @CezaCez. First saw this posted by @Jinx over at @The Chinese Society. It's a pretty dope video that leaves room for interpretation. I mean, I'm still thinking about it haha. Peep:
[Note: The joint even has a new track from @Marty McFly and Ras during the credits. Dopeness.]

Music of the Moment: Foo Fighters - My Hero Original & Acoustic

I mean, you pretty much have to like this song.

Well, you don't have to like it but it's still a dope song. My Hero by the Foo Fighters always seems to come up on Twitter for Music Mondays so I feel like this post is long overdue. I've also always been a fan of acoustics so I included the live performance from the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. #musicmonday lives.
Foo Fighters - My Hero
Foo Fighters - My Hero Acoustic, Live on Craig Kilborn Show
Plus, it was the theme song for Varsity Blues and even Not Another Teen Movie. How can you argue with that???

[Note: Happy Born Day to @jinxington and @CaesBrutJesJud. Eat, Drink, be (-_-)]

What Were Your Parents Thinking???

Dallas Austin.

I know he's a famous music producer and this is random, but his name sucks. Seeing his name yesterday reminded me of the time me and my boy Torrance actually talked about this fact. The convo went a little like this:

Torrance: You know who's name sucks?? Dallas Austin.
Me: Right. Like were his parents obsessed with Texas or some shit??
Torrance: Yea. He probably has a brother named Houston Dallas Austin.
Me: And his full name is Dallas San Antonio Austin.
Torrance: Worst name ever??
Me: Don't forget about Flozell Adams.
Both: Hahahaha.

You might have had to be there in order to laugh at this. But I'm sure Torrance is dying at this shit. But seriously, the name Dallas Austin sucks but at least it's not Flozell. My man @TheThinkStew said Flozell sounds like the name of an inhaler. To me it sounds more like one of those 1970s soul artists on those 20th Century Masters compilations. "Featuring the musical styles of FLOZELLLL ADAMSSSS!!" Their names really do suck.

...I'm just sayin.

Mayer Hawthorne In-Store Appearance and Concert Tonight

What better way to follow up a week featuring a concert from Phoenix and the A3C Hip Hop Fest with a concert from Mayer Hawthorne and the County??
Don't worry, I'll wait. Exactly. MH & the County will be at Criminal Records at 7:30 before his 9:00 show at the Drunken Unicorn. Should be Gonna be a good show.
Twitter joints:
@MayerHawthorne
@CriminalRecords

#4 Ole Miss Gets Jealous'd By USC...not THAT USC...

I'm making this one quick. The #4 ranked Ole Miss Rebels [Worst Mascot ever] got beat by the unranked South Carolina Gamecocks [2nd Worst Mascot ever] last night. I can't say that I didn't see this coming because I felt going into the season that Ole Miss, besides Snead & McCluster, was overrated. I would write more but #bitchitsfriday. Oww.

AWR College Football Picks - Week Four coming soon.
[Note: Random but check out this list of the Worst Mascots in America. Even worse than Rebel and Gamecocks.]

Oh yea and my #followfriday joint:

• @jinxington
• @martEMCfly
• @KxG_215
• @jayredg
• @crunkpopeye
• @BdotLaw
• @MIKEHAYESthe1

My peoples.

Music of the Moment - September 16, 2009 [Alex Goose - BP3 Outtakes...]

This might end up being my last time posting about Blueprint³ for awhile. Not only because I've been goin ham on it nonstop since it dropped last Tuesday, but because Cudi came out and it's hot. Anyway, the other day I was lucky enough to come across some beats that this kid Alex Goose made for Blueprint³ and, WOW. They're really dope. Like seriously. Goose posted a download link to the beats as well as just a steaming version if you just want to listen. Check out his site, theblueprint3outtakes.com and twitter [@AlexGoose] for more music.

Dude's about to blow up. Trust.

[Note: Now, TRY and tell me you couldn't hear Hov spittin over these. Don't worry, I'll wait...]

Music [Video] of the Moment - August 17, 2009

It's no secret that I've been listening to Loso's Way pretty much nonstop since Fabolous dropped it. After my first listen, I wasn't too sure about it but I've grown to really [really] like it and I don't think It's gotten all the credit that it deserves. With that being said, the video for one of my favorite joints on the album, Money Goes, Honey Stay [When the Money Goes Pt.2] just dropped and it's ill to say the least. And it features none other than Hov himself. Check it out:[Note: And even though I was blown about there not being a Jay verse on the album, my girl @YaNi_babi put me onto Jay's original version here. Chills.]

Funniest Shit on Twitter, Pt. 2...

I got such a good response to the first Funny Shit on Twitter post, I had to do a follow-up. If you're not on Twitter, you're buggin. If you're already on Twitter, but not following these people, you might want to go ahead and get on that.

@icecoldlady: @enjoi247 if he can grow back those locks today then I demand you to tingle his loins. Otherwise tell him to go to hell!!!

@Pbbt: @ icecoldlady lol did u just say "tingle his loins"?

@jinxington: NY bums got the toughest sneakers

@crunkpopeye: cuddle panda in the houseeee

@kevolution: F Madoff! He deserves every second in that cell. Karma is a bitch! (no diss to Luda's daughter)

@ __Shep__: Drake is performing as Wheelchair Jimmy [@ BET Awards. Not to mention, the girls were a combined age of about 17.]

@Mr_Ferg: US [Soccer] giving up the drawers like Kisha a la Hot Boyz circa '99

@BLAW808: @the_asamp He [Gerald Henderson] gone have more time to play golf wit da bobcats lol

@RealSkipBayless: I'm sorry, can't get over the TimberFools. Rubio, Flynn, Telfair? No trade? No Foye. No Miller Might as well have picked Brett Favre.

@GalenJ: @jinxington If I was getting drafted today, I'd rock a glove...moonwalk across the stage...then dap david stern.

@jinxington: @the_asamp Told you. Wait til he [Morman] starts pickin niggas to present. He gonna be playin http://bit.ly/3pVlnz

@Swiffle: http://twitpic.com/9onaj: - Dats me and my BITCH

@jinxington: Oh Fuck. I went to @StraightPurp's twitter page and my screen froze. I just turned the monitor off when my co-worker walked up.

@Wale: ronald mcdonald is the ultimate chester..grown man only hangs wit children and bribes them with burgers and fries. what kid dont like mickeyd's

@jbuckk: do i really even love you? or do i really love ur... brain? ............. i just really love ur brain. :)

@KingBigLex: patrice would mess me up if she knew I was goin out and she didn't do my hair...haha oh well

@dollascholar: milfs are like 24 these days that's why there are cougars now

@jinxington: It's official. North Carolina has THE worst weed. Beleive me. 2nd is Texas, just because @MoeGreene87 said they got a weed called 'corn' lol

@martEMCfly: "The Rainbow's treasures will soon belong to you" I gotta say Pause and no homo on my fortune cookie ...ruined a good meal. Damn

@THE_REAL_SHAQ: Congratualtions kobe, u deserve it. You played great . Enjoy it my man enjoy it. And I know what yur sayin rt now "Shaq how my ass taste "

@DIZZYfpc: yesterday, i saw a crackhead with a D.A.R.E. shirt on...the irony

@RealSkipBayless: I will take Lil Wayne on 1st and 10 over John Legend on Mike and Mike any morning.

@DAINahh: ethel just called me to ask how to go "back" on AOL...............its 11:50pm lol and WHY do you still have an AOL email account????

@CoffiesCorner: Yo stan here is a tip for guarding kobe http://bit.ly/pwoAl

@jinxington: LMFAO RT @the_asamp: Throwback RT @Swiffle: #3wordsaftersex Dipset Dipset Dipset!

@martEMCfly: Need three bad broads and a panormous pizza

@jinxington: niggas just jumped my dude Aladdin

@CezaCez: @the_asamp Ima find that nigga and his NO gonna turn into a OH NOO!!

@Pbbt: Tell me why my job requires me to LITERALLY fill out TPS reports lmao

@TheWaveRunner: This is by the far the fail of the day. Got damn it black people why was this movie ever made!! http://twitpic.com/728jc

@Goingspam: hey dwight howard...how bout a little less twitter and a lot more 10 ft jumpers

@CezaCez: So Swizz jus handed me a mild wit no mouthpiece...told him I could still champ it..Nigga isn't a believer

@BLAW808: @ashleyneicole : since when FB tryina give out user names? I need to hurry up & save all my pics & get tha hell on lol

...my sentiments exactly. Twitter is the future.

Funniest Shit on Twitter, Pt. 1...

I almost dropped the ball on this one. Twitter has officially taken Facebook's place as my most visited website. The main reason is because it's always updating and it's funny as hell. I've learned more about my friends in the last two months from reading their Twitter updates than I have from interacting the last four years. Here is some of the somewhat random, but funny shit that I've read on Twitter so far...

@Swiffle: Why is my nephew goin around in his underwear singing "birthday sex" ill take the fault for leaving my bday playlist on... Catchy song tho

@NICOnShit: LMAO @ "Go Ham" being a Trending Topic...

@Pbbt: Man on airport shuttle to another man: "imma share your pole if that's alright".......................................................pause.

@MoeGreen87: @the_asamp I ask myself about what Magic [Johnson] is saying all the time, remember the Magic hour lmao!!! "Idd'ss Mahhgikkk!!!"

@RASTruly: Tell me why my 2 year old nephew talkin bout some...blame it on the A A-A-A A Applesauce...got em in the zone i guess

@martEMCfly: it shouldn't be this hard to get drugs on a Saturday

@KxG_215: Snickers goin too far......billboard says "Pledge Sigma Nougat"......ftphibetawtf

@GalenJ: #3wordsaftersex Lebron or Kobe?

@Swiffle: #3wordsaftersex Dipset Dipset Dipset!

@Pbbt: Van Gundy looks like the clown dude from spawn

@Jinxington: So many disappointments this week. I'm going to go get high.

@TheWaveRunner: Basketball is not just a game you fuck ass little kid...
[Note: In response to this commercial.]
@Pbbt: #3wordsaftersex THEME MUSIC PLEASE!!!!

@the_asamp: Hahahha Wilbon is going IN on Kwame Brown. Said he should make a documentary called "Kwame: NOT Doin' Work" hahahaha pwnd

@crunkpopeye: whats on my transcript dawwwg MISSSING CREDITS!!

@heyashton: @the_asamp when i was out in baton rouge last, they said, "@the_asamp was the ppl's champ." last show seen? me: death cab. swap details.

@BLAW808: Niggas dogfighting on Simpson road @ the family dollar lol

@Jinxington: @Pbbt @KxG_215 the nigga @the_asamp said it looked like 'a piece of folded up ham with a goatee around it.' fuck..

@crunkpopeye: first asian girl i ever seen on Cheaters

And one last time: Let Me Twitter Dat:

More funny shit from Twitter to come...

I Mean, AirTran Might Be Dope...

Some early-morning Twittering led me to an online article in the ajc via @necolebitchie that said that AirTran Airways plans to be the first airline to offer free high speed internet access on every flight. The article also said that the airline plans to be in full effect by the end of July. Whoa. That's dope right?? So for people like me, that need the internet to BREATHE, those long flights won't be so bad anymore. I'm trying to check out the flight schedule now.

Now these x-fare flights are gonna be extra wavy. Owwwwwwww.

[Note: I just read elsewhere that the service won't be free. Fuck. Still dope though.]

Love You, Ma!!

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Mothers out there....and the not-so wonderful Mothers too, I guess. Found this via @aplusk. Yurp.

[Note: If this isn't my brother and me, then idk what is haha]